♥♥loving you♥♥

loving you.

no. this time im not gona talk about the typical love story. the usual "im so inlove with this guy," "i wana love you forever" sort of thing.

this time, im talking about loving you. yes, you. your self.

it’s been quite a couple of months lately. drowning myself with and in work (which i love to do :)) , and being surrounded by the usual twisted life stories, misshapenned loves, mine and otherwise.

i realized one thing though.

here, let me throw a question.

how can you say that you love yourself? what is proof that you take time and effort to take care of yourself? to shower yourself with love, the same way you do to "him," or "that," or "them?"

Many may answer, "oh, i love myself so much because I make sure that I get what I want."

Clearly, this response is sheer honesty, and bare-souled selfishness. Havent we heard of the "art of selfishness?" or the need for "me time" from the ubiquitous Oprah?

"What I want" could apply to the simplest of things like allowing yourself to have that extra cup of rice (hahaha) or that sundae with your Value Meal. It’s giving yourself a few hours alone to read, to jot down a few crazy ideas in your journal. A solitary evening spent daydreaming (which I havent done in a looong time!!! I think i miss kissing my pillow?).

A more complicated example, something that we find so common, is relationships. (Oh, dear…)

Havent we found ourselves in such tight, stupid situations, where we know we deserve more but we just cant help ourselves? Have you ever found yourself giving in to impulse, — to that fling, that one night of sex, that beyond-stupid affair, that (give in) to the unstable emotion called infatuation. I mean, damn girl, you dont want instant indulgence. You dont want this relationship because you feel "lonely," because he "completes you." Hell no.

But of course, it’s not as easy to differentiate between "what i want" and "what i seem to want." Sigh***

As I’ve grown (which isnt much, really), I’ve come to realize that getting into relationships needs so much time. So much thought. Otherwise, I end up regretting it. I end up hating myself, or feeling ugly (or stupid!), or finding myself saying "nasasakal nako!!!"

Another scenario. "I deserve more,"…

Two things: Yes, you deserve more than that jerk you’re falling for. You deserve more than that "taken" man. You deserve more than that worthless job, that "emotional vampire" of a friend.
Two,well, yeah, you deserve more, but what exactly do you want? This, youbetter find out. Whether it’s what you want in a man, in your career,or in your own damn life.

It’s easy to fall into the trap, the misconception that you are loving yourself by giving yourself what you want. By giving in to that impulse of "happiness," of self-gratification. Nako, madali talagang magpakasaya. Magdrugs, magsex, magpakawala, gumastos, maglakwatsa, o di kaya ay magkunwari ng kung anu ano.

(back to english mode)

But no, sometimes, "loving yourself" takes more than that. It’s a painstaking consideration of what you really deserve, a thorough deliberation of what you could possibly be more of, the prospect of your highest, bestest self.

I mean come on, the Gautama Buddha says that "You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserveyour love and affection." So go ahead. It’s time for some self-gratification!

For the "im fat" girls, have that pack of Kisses for your midnight solitary rendezvous. But always consider that health, is wealth. You dont want to be spending shitloads of money on medicines or hospitalization, and yes, you do want to be fit enough to be able to run to Ministop for that chocolate craving, and be sexy enough to fit into that blouse to catch his eye.

For the "i love/hate him" girls, make a list of "turn-ons" and take time to consider your priorities. It’s not just about wanting to spend the rest of your life with him. I mean, does he want to spend his life with you equally? Or maybe, what you really need is to spend time alone. Don’t you think the next most lovable thing to Jake Gylennhall is your own self? (hahaha).

For the "i dont have time" girls, extend that deadline and just breathe. Don’t let your boss’ rants kill your creativity! Or better yet, cancel that next date. For sure, you will have time to do what you want, what you need, and what you deserve.

For the "i dont know what to do" girls,(oh my g!dat's me)ehhehe, tell it outloud, how you feel, what you want — to that slave-driving boss, inconsiderate parent, unfair sister, insensitive friend, or that petrifying, goose-bumpin’ "guy." Dont know what to do with your life? Imagine yourself old and aging, or better yet, dead. I’m sure in a few minutes youd be jolted back to life enough to realize what you want to do, what you want to be, what you want to give, and leave as legacy to this world...hahayzz...

For the "im afraid" ones out there, why dont you stop what youre doing. Look back, look inside you, and look outside. That bitch is merely a ditz who craves attention and is actually just as afraid and insecure as you are. That dickhead is just a frog croaking bullshit, so dont listen to him, in fact, stop thinking about him already!

Often we fear committment, we fear rejection, wecannot stand the idea of confessing our feelings, of being the firstone to make a move… And the mere thought of rendering oneselfvulnerable in front of "the guy" makes us run away and hide into theEverests of the earth.

To everyone, stop pretending to be what you are, or what you are not. Quit donning that mask. Let go of that fear and unleash the goddess in you (or demoness! raaarrrr).

Incidentally, for those of you who have no idea what you deserve. Maybe it’s that resolution to finally save up even 1% of your money. Or that pledge to finally "stop texting him and move on." Even simpler, it’s the simple act of scheduling time to clean your apartment (youre a lady for godsake!), or for the obsessive-compulsives, time to "not sweat the small stuff."

Simple ideas here — Why dont you decide on a few important things, like taking time to read and smarten up some more (yeah!), time to get to solitarily know your sensual self (wink*), and time to emulate, imbibe, and actually be the "i dont care what the rest of the world thinks" kind of girl. (Yeah, i dont really care if im sounding so self-effacing here!).

For those into the higher mode of "self giving," where you’ve realized that there’s more to life than loving oneself… Think about it. How can you give more to others? How can you BE more for others? Sometimes it’s not just about doling out, or going about the usual NGO/activist/advocacy routines. Each and everyone of us is a person, a soul that is wanting, waiting to be listened to, to be considered, to be cared for. (Arent we all?!) Indeed, self giving is self love. Beyond loving yourself is ofcourse, the ability to love others, to share yourself, and give more to your fellow each and every time.

But I guess, for most of us, we need to first learn to love "good ol’ me" before we can even begin to love the Other.

Diba? =) Tama. Hehe.

Bow***

Note: The above was written in sole consideration of the self, and at absolutely no instance was the "Other" given due thought. It must be understood that this is a pure self-loving essay and that the writer holds no responsibility for any thought or concern for the "Other," for the mean time (or for the length of this essay).

Para sa mga nagsumikap na bumasa ng aking ek ek, salamat. Alam ko na ang kapal ng mukha ko para magadvise sa mga kapwa ko babae. Eh wala lang. Trip lang. Hehehe.