“What I Say And What I Mean”

Walking from the past

But I don’t think I’ve said my goodbyes

Sometimes I just find That they keep

sneaking up from behind Closing up the wounds

I suppose it’s supposed to take some more time

Then what do I find That we’ve closed every door in our lives
And I know you’re the only one for me

But standing in my sleep
Never going back and forth I’m only going forward

That’s what I keep saying Never going back and forth

only going back That’s what I mean
Something haunts my dreams Don’t know what it means
Itching at the scabs Only makes my troubles run high

Cuz scratching at my sheets

Makes my bark much worse than my bite Itching for a fight

As your nails are running over my spine

Cuz the doors are open And they keep swirling back to my mind
But I know you’re the only one for me

But standing in my sleep…

“A Years”

Just opened my eyes, stretching my body as I’m still lying on my bed staring at nowhere! Suddenly my tears started to fall and felt pain within, how could this be happening? I’ve been tru this for sometime, anxiously I’m having this heart felt pain…As I realize time had pass, its been a years, that I said to myself “I’ll get over with this”. But it seems saddly I keep on falling and failing, how can it be possible for someone to feel too intense, and never even move forward! It’s been 5 years,still it’s the same person who makes me extremely happy and miserable. Just a thought of him at countless times makes me realize that I was never good enough…At this actual moment I have learn to accept that 5years of waiting and wanting that love to florish and blossom will never turn to reality, fairytales doesn’t come true or maybe it’s better to say it’s not meant to happen. I need to simply let it go, and try to step forward even if, it means a day to day struggle.
Look at me now? People see me with a vivacious persona, an endless cheerful smile, you see me with few worries on my back and rarely do care about defeat and depression. Once, I fail surely I’ll get back on my feet more firm though it may have left battered,bruised & scarred. All those hardships, betrayals, disappointments esp. After loosing my dad made me a stronger person! I more appreciate the beauty of life together with its tragedies and uncertainties. Hey, Life itself is not perfect so do KARISMA!
Nevertheless, I still believe that my time will come. I’ll walk that same isle that you women have walked at. Exchanging I do’s while wearing that white wedding gown too. I’ll see friends and relatives on occassions together with my man carrying our bundle of joy…one day. hopefully at this lifetime…

Treasure all the moments you have.....

This title used to be my favourite phase...& i do feel the truthness of it
At times i try to really do just that....but sometimes things comes in or should i say reality hits in and i guess i'm just a normal cathy who have to submit to real life too...
Certain period of my life, i try to slow down a bit, find my old friends or long lost one, just to see how they are....
Spend more time with my parents, do things with them or just be at home...
start doing things that i like, taking up hobbies, but realized i havent been reading much books anymore...i used to read books like mad & i can even skip meals...
indulge myself in my favourite treat...chocolates, slowly devour the flavour of different chocolate...let the taste just tingle by taste buds...mmmm...yum...
if the road wasnt as noisy or dusty, i'd love to open the windows, let the wind blow through my hair, feel the air caressing my cheeks...hopefully get a wisp of fresh flowers...
Love the feelings that i have when i was in philippines....the carefree feel whereby you can do what you want, go where you like.....when there's nothing much to do...just walking in the streets...feel the coolness of winter air...listen to the chirping of birds or seeing the group of elderly ladies boarding the bus together and starting chatting cheerfully...it's a great sight...
It's just like seeing 2 elderly couples holding hands tightly & lovingly while they walk the parks....
Try lying on the greens with no boundaries (but make sure there's no bird poo!)....
window shop at your own leisure time...
Just enjoy and let the atmosphere sink in....during the festive periods...
Just feel...especially during christmas, is such an enjoyable feeling...the feel of warmth & christmasy......even halloween is fun, everyone just join in & be part of the event...
I wish things could be warmer here, other than the weather.....the feeling of seeing a smiley face, of saying hi to people whom you dont know without being thought as a threat...& people acknowledging the hi....It's fun & great to make someone's day...
So, start saying hi to strangers, give people a compliment if you have one today...
Make the world...a better one.....& give yourself, a better feeling & moment...startiing from now.....
Happy day everyone! & oh..dont forget....SMILE!!!!Enjoy life to its fullest...do what you always dont dare to do, say something nice that you meant to say....at least you tried....=)

-i am a soul of good and evil..

-I am a lover of life,my life is never dull and is always surprising..

-Im a very diverse person but i can easily adopt to whatever environment im into and with whoever im with...

-im workaholic...that other people don't know..

-im passionate in everything I do....especially when it comes to loving....

-I am a believer of Christ but I don't wanna be a hypocrite not to say that I'm a sinner....

-I am ambitious but I dream and wish sumting dat i knw i can achieve...

-I love my family and i LOVE deeply to the ONE I LOVE and I will fight and kill for them if I need to..i'll bet my lyf on it..

-i can be a friend to those i like..

-i think i value more one's inner personality than the outer cover of a person.. can be cocky at times but u can expect me to apologize..

-i may have own beliefs,and way of thinking.. and we may contradict each other but it wouldn't end of everything...

-i may not perfect..'coz im just human.. but i can be the best if i want to so..

-don't hate me becoz I LOVE who i am..!!!

~~LOVE~~

Tuesday,march 03,2009

Love is Like This...... Current mood: touched

~~LOVE~~

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know WHEN TO HOLD ON and WHEN TO LET GO! You know you really love someone when you want HIM or HER TO BE HAPPY, even if their happiness means that YOU'RE NOT PART OF IT. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, DON'T BE AFRAID TO LOVE SOMEONE ELSE AGAIN, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never love a person you love unless you RISK A LOVE. Love strives in hurting. If YOU DON'T GET HURT, you DON'T LEARN HOW TO LOVE. Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow. You cannot finish a book without closing it's chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to LEAVE THE PAST AS YOU TURN THE PAGES. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The GREATEST IRONY OF LOVE IS LETTING GO WHEN YOU NEED TO HOLD ON and HOLDING ON WHEN YOU NEED TO LET GO. We lose someone we love only when we are DESTINED TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. On FALLING OUT OF LOVE, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time. To love is to RISK REJECTIONS, to live is to RISK DYING, to hope is to RISK FAILURE. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self, to Love is to risk not to be LOVED IN RETURN. How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be CONSTANT but not too persistent, SHARE and never be unfair, UNDERSTAND and try not to demand, HURT but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the MOST WONDERFUL FEELING.It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end.Loving people means GIVING THEM THE FREEDOM, who they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that these were the things that helped you grow. Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find HIS/HER way, whether it leads towards you or AWAY FROM YOU. Love is a PAINFUL TO RISK to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love. Only love can HURT YOUR HEART fill you with desire and TEAR YOU APART. Only love can MAKE YOU CRY and only love knows why. If you're NOT READY TO CRY, if you're NOT READY TO TAKE THE RISK, if you're NOT READY TO FEEL THE PAIN,, then you're NOT READY TO FALL IN LOVE. There was a time in our lives when we became AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE coz every time we do, WE GET HURT, then I figured that's why it's called FALLING IN LOVE. When you decide to love, ALLOW IT TO GROW.. When you promise to love, REFUSE TO LET IT DIE...

WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE PEOPLE?

God knows we're not perfect,
but we are BEAUTIFUL.
We are all made to experience life's surprises...
Each of us has our own beauty...
It's up to us how to look for it...
We are all human...
allowed to make our own decisions...
to find what's in store for us...
to dream what we would like our future to be...
to find those people who would help us find ourselves...
to give without asking for anything...
to love and not being loved in return...
to think without really thinking...
to commit mistakes...
to learn from them...
We all have our own chaos...
and it is for us to pick things up...
God has His own time... might be, He is not done with them yet.

Leaving it all behind

One of the things i find interesting is how we are taught how to make profits and gains and i've nothing against it. But, have you ever thought why we were never taught to let go?
Sure it's easy to say the spoils are for the victors and that when we have achived everything we set out for ourselves, we will be happy. We're faced with never ending complications in life, and ever so often we're told to hold on, never let go, fight till your last breath, when the easiest and sometimes the best way to go.. is just to let go?
Ever been in a situation where you thought that maybe if you fought it better, or persisted abit longer, or if just held on longer, that everything will be over soon and things will get better?
I'm in no way condoning that everybody is better off being a quitter, but sometimes we have to come to the realization that perhaps its time to take a step back in order to gain 5 steps forward.
Even more so if we were heading in the wrong direction to begin with. The reason i reckon to be the cause of our hard headedness to push on comes from the voice within.. or rather our egos that will not bear to suffer the shame of being called a quitter. What's worst than being called a quitter is that your own mind calls you a quitter right?
I read something interesting jsut the other day pertaining to this : " think of your ego as your goofy best friend who lends moral support but doesn’t know anything "
And its worth noting that sometimes we rely on our gut feeling that we're right, or the cause is worth fighting for and in the end we come to realize that we were wrong all the while.
In ending, please don't be quitters by any means... but just be sure you're heading in the right direction before being so darn hard headed that you ignore all the warning signs.
Maybe giving up could be the best thing that you ever did.

y lyf so harsh?!

...ive bin nLuv w/so many guyz but ive nvr see myslf dat one day il b seriuos in hving a rLtionship.. i reaLyz dat im not riLy a pLayer!!! same as ordinary gRLz i knw dat i Loved sum1 so dip & true..nver imagine mysLf 2bcome dumb bcoz of diz s2pid ting cAlled Love.. but inspyt of the pains it cause me,im not afraid 2Love all over agen!!! it is such a wonderful feeling dat uplift mysoul 2 d highest divinity of Lyf...even f diz guy mkes me fiL dat im juz a crap, i stil love him & he wil aLways hve my heart,he can hve it anytym..am i riLy a fool 2 tke Love a 2nd chance?! watever diz pipz says i dont care coz dey nvr knw wat diz love bringz me & mkes me ril gud..after all,hu would nvr want 2b loved in return? you knw wat?! i nvr fil loved in return by diz guy dat i love most coz i dont even knw if he meant wat he says dat he loves me..i was stil hoping dat it was true,if evr he's not its alryt coz i knw we cn nvr ask sum1 2stay w/ us 4ever if dey already got a reason 2 leave,but of corz,we shud accept dat the real world promiz us 1thing to be permanent & dat is death and the rest of the things wil undergo changes,Ryt?! sometyms,i cnt help but wonder wer did i go wrong...i juz gve all dat i can but maybe it was'nt my best coz if it is my best i may not be this LoneLy... i stil wana be optimistic, so i dont regrets doz thing bcoz i bliv dat u shud nver regret the things dat made u hapi & dat d things dat we only regrets is not d wrong things we've done but the ryt things dat we shud hve done but we nver did...my story doesnt end hir coz me & d guy im toking abt was stil on a rLtionship but i was stil hanging & w8ng on his dcsions by now! its riLy tough 2b single wen evry1 expects u 2b w/ sumbody but being single doesnt mean u hve no1 rather an oppurtunity2say dat ure free 2 taste any1,hahaha..

Never almost had you....

Can you tell me....

How can one miss what she's never had?

How could I reminisce when there is no past ?

How could I have memories of being happy with you boy?

Could someone tell me how can this be?

How could my mind pull up incidents?

Recall dates and times that never happened.

And how could I really mean the words I'm bout to say?
I missed the times that we almost shared....

I miss the love that was almost there.....

I miss the times that we used to kiss.....

At least in my dreams.....

Just let me take the time and reminisce.

I miss the times that we never had.....

What happened to us we were almost there.

Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had.

Never almost had you.

I MISS YOU

..i misS u.. iT's cRazY to pReTenDthAt i Don'T tHinK oF yOu.. tHe mOrEtHiS feEliNg wOulD sEem tO gRoW aNdGrOw.. i MiSs u.. Oh hOw mUch lOnGercAn I hOlD oN tO.. mAyBe yoU cOuLdcOmE And TelL mE ThAt U miSS Me toO...

-=-=Sometimes we just have to be alone=-=-

Let us always remember that sometimes we just have to stop pushing ourselves to love or be loved by someone.

Sometimes we just have to be alone to be able to think about what we really want in life, to be able to realize what or who will really make us happy.

Sometimes it is only when we start loving ourselves that we are able to realize that real & last thing happiness starts from within ourselves, & becomes even more complete when we share it with someone who truly loves us.

Trust on His word

Trust On His Word
Why do bad things happen to good people?

God never makes a promise of an easy life,

Nor does He promise we will not have trouble and strife,

What He doe promise is that He will be by our side,

To help with problems and to stem the tide.

Of doubts and fears that strew the path,

Along life's way and to strengthen our heart.

To take His word and to test it's truth each and every day,

As we travel the road, along life’s way.

And we have His promise, in His word assured

That when we meet in Heavan we will gain our just reward.

So keep your faith no matter what may befall,

His love will always uphold us and Triumph over all

10 Warning Signs He Is Not Committing To You Anytime Soon

When you are madly in love with a guy it is easy to ignore all the hints he is giving you that tell you don¡¦t expect commitment anytime soon. Most guys are pretty honest about commitment but many women stay in the relationship hoping that he will come around in time. I¡¦ve worked with women who have hang in there for several years (on-and-off) until the day he actually says ¡§I do¡¨ to someone else, but even then they keep hoping that he will leave her and come back.

There are many warning signs men give out but here are just a few most common ones. See if you can identify with any one or several of them. He tells you, you are beautiful, wonderful, loving, kind, compassionate etc. and the guy who gets you will be very lucky

translation: that guy is not me
He dodges talking about his past, avoids direct questions, makes decisions alone and talks about a future that does not include you

translation: you better be out of here before that time
He is still in frequent and regular contact with one or more of his ex girlfriends and won¡¦t include you in the friendship or introduce you

translation: you are not the ¡§number one¡¨ in my life
He is still angry at his ex girlfriends, blames them for the problems in the relationship and sees himself as a victim of ¡§women¡¨

translation: you are a woman too, and you are my problem
He tells you he cannot commit until he is sure that he can take care of you

translation: I can¡¦t even take care of myself, don¡¦t expect me take care of you
He talks and treats you differently (not lovingly or respectfully) in front of his friends and family from when you are alone

translation: I don't care much what they think of you as a potential ¡§wife¡¨ or mother of my children, you will never be
He tells you he wants to take things slowly meet other woman and have a kind of ¡§open¡¨ relationship

translation: I think there is someone out there who is a better match for me
Six months into the relationship and he is still ¡§just looking to see what happens¡¨

translation: I am not really that into you and the moment I meet someone else I am out of here
He tells you not to get emotionally ¡§attached¡¨ to him every time you tell him you love him
translation: what do you expect me to say, that I love you, too, please!
He tells you face to face that he is not interested in settling down any time soon

translation: if you want get married go find yourself someone else

Sometimes you know deep down that the relationship is going nowhere, you want to end it and move on but because you and this guy have such a strong soul connection you feel stuck. One part of you says ¡§go¡¨ another part says ¡§but he is my soul mate¡¨. Well he could be your soul mate but not all soul mates are there to stay for a lifetime. May be your soul has learned what it wanted to learn from that relationship and is ready to move on. Or may be each of you needs to do their soul work separately and if it¡¦s meant to be you will later on merge again. You will never know until you really take time to be honest with yourself and look at your relationship for what it ¡§really is now¡¨ rather than what ¡§might have been¡¨.

worth the wait...(I TRULY TRULY LOVE THIS ONE!)

HOPE YOU'LL TAKE TIME TO READ THIS...IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS IN LIFE THAT REALLY KEEPS ME GOING...JUST WANTED TO SHARE... :o) GOD BLESS YOU!!

WAIT ON THE LORD; BE OF GOOD COURAGE, AND HE SHALL STRENGTHEN YOUR HEART; WAIT, I SAY, ON THE LORD.( PSALM 27:14 *NKJV )


Dear friend,
As we all know, there are times in this life when we become discouraged, and feel like giving up on a person, place or thing. Then that causes us to lose confidence in ourselves.

Therefore when you are facing such a situation do not give up, but turn to: HIM WHO IS ABLE TO DO EXCEEDINGLY ABUNDANTLY ABOVE ALL THAT WE ASK OR THINK, ACCORDING TO THE POWER THAT WORKS IN US. ( EPHESIANS 3:20 ) For it is important that you: DO NOT CAST AWAY YOUR CONFIDENCE WHICH HAS GREAT REWARD. ( HEBREWS 10:35 )

So my friend, do not give up or become discouraged! Instead ask for God's help and wait on His timing, and if it still doesn't happen, know that He has something or someone even better planned for you! For you may: BE CONFIDENT OF THIS VERY THING, THAT HE WHO HAS BEGUN A GOOD WORK IN YOU WILL COMPLETE IT UNTIL THE DAY OF JESUS CHRIST. ( PHILIPPIANS 1:6 )

Therefore: TO HIM BE GLORY IN THE CHURCH BY JESUS CHRIST TO ALL GENERATIONS, FOREVER AND EVER. AMEN. ( EPHESIANS 3:21 )

pretentions

It's funny how I cry myself to sleep at night thinking of how messed up this life is for me. Funny how I still manage to smile in spite of the pain that's tormenting me. Funny how you're so dense to not feel that you've caused this misery. Funny how you say sorry for everything - when sorry won't make it better.
You know what? I'm the kind of girl who feels terribly hurt but still manages to smile. And every time I do that, breathing can be so hard. I wanna hate you for every pain you've caused me but I think I love you so much to ever do such a thing for there is ONLY one guy in my life (and that's you MY BAI) and no matter what you do I just can't stop loving you. And it hurts to know how stupid I am that every time I run away, I just find myself coming back to you. I want to get over you but maybe I just can't seem to.
I'm jealous of every girl who ever hugged you because in that moment she held MY ENTIRE WORLD so that's why I cry myself to sleep every night, it's because every thought of you with her HURTS.
They say love is giving someone the power to hurt you and trusting him not to. So maybe I'm not scared now because somewhere between all our laughters, talks, stupid little fights and all our jokes you loved me and I feel loved.
For a fact, every tear tells a story...
I miss you with all my loving heart and I hope it won't be too late...

Life...

there is a time when everything is peaceful,
when u do sumthing while listening to a slow song, doing sumthing you lyke in da peace and quiet and loving it even if u're very active.
there is a time when u feel dat u're invincible and happy wif wat u do,
there is a time when u feel dat u're very happy wif wat u are,
there is a time when u feel peace and quiet,
there is a time when u feel lonely and needing sumone and have a fren wif u when u pick up da phone,
there is a time when u feel ur heartbreak and listen to sum songs and cry wif it,
there is a time when u feel sad and view da life in a different point,where u sit and look outside at da rain falling or da sun shining, birds chirping and u tot, life used to be simpler, life used to be happier, life used to go da way u want it to,
there is a time when u luk at ur frens and thinks, are dy really ur fren or juz suck ups?
there is a time when u luk at ur fren and be grateful and suddenly burst into tears and everything dat went wrong in ur life juz burst out frm ur mouth and how u regret doing it, how u wish der's dis one person dat will neva break ur heart and alwiz be der for u no matter wat will be near u forever and alwiz,
there is a time when u hates ur best friend to da max and finally noes y when it's too l8 and da damage's done,
there is a time when u was left by ur best friend because of sumone else,
there is a time when u left ur best friend because of some other frens dat turns out to be unreal,
there is a time when ur best friend told sumthing else to u and sumthing else to sumone else ryte in front of u,
there is a time when ur best friend could juz blame you for everything dat is wrong in her life no matter how many times and all da things u both have go thru,
there is a time when u have your self confidence, oni to let da newly borned confidence crushed by da past events of life by ur close ones,
there is a time when you'll get hurt by ur bf/gf with ur best friend and get lafed at by em when u cries and u've got noone to turn to,
there is a time when you'll get hurt by ur bf/gf but dun have noone to turn to,
there is a time when you'll get ignored ur bf/gf for no reasons and cry everydae wifout anyone's noeing and got waved off when u try to tell sumone,
there is a time when you get hurt for da insensitivity of ur bf/gf but have noone to turn to and when u try to take things in ur own hands wif mixed emos and blurr, things juz get worst and u have noone to turn to,
there is a time when your heartbroke but noone's der and all dat's around u is insensitivity + unsupportive + suck up + wave-u-off society,
there is a time when your heartbroke and da ones dat cares are far frm u,
there is a time when your heartbroke and all u can do is cry alone till ur pillow gets wet and ur eyes swell but noone noticies,
there is a time when your heartbreaks and doz dat asks are oni pretendence,
there is a time when your heart heals and wif new realisation abt doz around u,
there is a time when u feel, all u ever really need is urself, but at da same time noes dat u're da kind dat needs frens to live,
there is a time when u feel dat u have to tell, but there's no ears around...

In JESUS name!!!

It’s natural that certain things just come, it happens then it goes...Sometimes it leave marks, give heartaches and for good reason make learnings for us to realize its purpose. But still everything happens in right time, in right place. Maybe not too easily for me to forget it but for certain time I may accept the fact that I have to face it and react as positive that I can manage it! It is only our selves who can tell how we can handle it and in God’s help we may seek for the answer in all our questions and problems.

God has been good to me in all this years. Even if everyone left me hanging, left me alone, left me broken. Still He’s the One, the only one who embraces me and reminds me that the life He gave me is still good. Among all the trials I’ve faced, would I give up now? Certainly not! For I know he keeps the journey with me. I’m not alone! So thank you Lord for being good, for giving me the courage to still hold on with you. Thank you for the strength that even I face one problem after another, I know I’ll have way out of it. I ask you Lord in Jesus name I pray to wipe away all my doubts, forgive me O’ Lord in all my sins.

And for those people who hurt me, who help me and touch my life in a way, I thank you for in all these they contributed a lot in the individual that I’m now. No regrets in everything that happened. I’m just hoping a lot in time you’ll grant my heart’s desire. I know Lord in you I can cry, only you can understand, for you are the one who knows the world that I have.

I’m not asking that this time you’ll give me the person I may hold on physically. Just give me patience to wait until it is timed for me. I keep the faith in you O’ Lord… Fill the gaps I’m longing off. In Jesus name, In Jesus name!

''A LIFE WITHOUT YOU..''

^^..A LIFE WITHOUT YOU..^^
Life hurts SO much. I hate the feeling of not being happy! I hate being not the real me. I’ve been myself to ONE person and still am to that one person. Things feel like they change. How do they REALLY think about you? Do they even think of u at all? How do they feel about u? Do they feel completely different from what they tell u so they don’t hurt your feelings? There are so many questions but to scare to ask. I’m not a drama queen and I feel if i ask that i would be becoming one. Maybe I’m just paranoid...I need to grow some boobs and just face it. Why live the life not knowing and dying still wondering Id rather have someone hate me for asking then never knowing RIGHT? I’m sure most of u would agree with me. How can u find someone so perfect and knowing u don’t EVER have a chance with that person b/c your too nice, or your supposedly to pretty for them. i don’t want to be pretty anymore if i had the choice of being pretty or being with someone u really care and would die to be with. I’d pick being with that one person. Being pretty is only skin deep. Personality is ALWAYS there. If someone could just see me for me and not about how pretty I am (which isn’t true) or just because she’s a model I want to be someone/s life, dreams, and hopes. But u sits there thinking HES COMING BACK...is he really? Just put your life with God he knows everything. I was told to give up but i have a huge gut feeling saying u cant do that yet...it takes time right? God has always been there for me. I said I would drop it but then i got butterflies maybe It’s a sign not to drop it. i just want a chance, you cant fall in love with someone in a week month or maybe not even a year. It takes so much time. i know i said it but it was just massive feelings toward someone and when i said it i went numb. Sitting there thinking OMG what did i just do. i scared u away from me. I just pray i get my 2nd chance to share with you. i miss you so much. even though you wont read this. i care about u.I hope you do everything that is right for you. But i do want you to know one thing my favorite person...That is I’m always by your side NO MATTER what. I’m here for you to cry with and share each others future dreams with one another. If I die I’m your guardian angel. ill be the first star u see in the sky every night. Make your wish and ill help u get your wish no matter what it is. I care for you SO MUCH! don’t forget it. EVER...LOVE U DAT MUCH...=(

'''HIDDEN TEARS..''

Inside her soul is weeping
but on the outside she seems collected.
Numbed from all the lonely nights when she felt neglected.
No body’s ever seen her cry they say she doesn’t know pain.
But when alone inside her room her thoughts she can’t sustain
So much hurts, and no one knows the ways in which her hearts aching
All this pain built up inside she’s reaching the point of breaking.
But forever her tears are hidden forever they are concealed
Her fake smile is her protection from emotions she try’s to shield.
Why cant this young girl breakdown why can’t people see her weak?
She searches for words within herself but silence is all that speaks.
No words seem to describe her grief so quietly she must remain
When she try’s to say how she feels she’s silenced by her shame.
Depressing is this story of a young girls lacerated heart
She want’s to remember how to cry but she doesn’t know where to start.
These hurts remain within as she’s locked in anguish’s grasp
Trying her hardest to breathe she struggles for her last gasp
All she wants is to let it go,let go of what hurts so deep
Thirsting for the ability To be able to break down and weep.
This is the story of a girl who’s held backs so many tears.
When asked why she’s become so cold
she reply’s “ because I’ve given in to my fears.”

If I Could Let You Know...

A person that means a lot in my life

and that showed me what it feels liketo be loved.

Like any great relationship, it was wonderful,

it was like a fantasy or a dream.

Now a changed the way I think about life and about myself.

I learned that you have to open your heart

and be willing to listen and understand your partner.

But things are getting in our way and

we slowly growing apart from each other.

This poem is about the way I feel. A wish to let him know how much

I miss and feel about him.. If I couldlet you know

The star that used to be ours

Doesn't shine anymore How much I miss the way you used to kiss

The nights we shred filled with joy and

bliss If I could let you know

The soft warm breeze that used to blow around me

Is now gone and cold If I could let you know

The flowers in my way Don't bloom like before

Ever since the you acted that way If I could let you know

How much I appreciate the time

When wewere one

When everything around us was filled with life

We were louder than love but why did you come to me?

I guess the destiny is the one to blame

If I could let you know That I love you and

that I miss you and that if we couldn't be in this crazy world together

I will be up there with you forever...

What Life is All About

Life isn't about keeping score.It's not about how many friends you have.Or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans this weekend or if you are alone.It isn't about who you're dating, who you used to date, or how many people you've dated, or if you haven't been with anyone at all.It isn't about who you have kissed. It's not about sex.
It isn't about who your family is or how much money they have,or what kind of car you drive, or where you are sent to school.It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are, or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on, or what kind of music you listen to.It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, or brown.Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
Not about what grades you get, how smart you are, how smart everybody else thinks you are,or how smart standardized tests say you are.It's not about what clubs you're in or how good you are at "your" sport.
It's not about representing your whole being on a piece of paper and seeing you will "accept the written you."
But, life is about who you love and who you hurt.It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully.It's about keeping or betraying trust.It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or a weapon.It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening.
About starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip.It's about what judgments you pass and why.And who your judgments are spread to.It's about who you've ignored with full control and intention.It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it grow, and spreading it.
But most of all, it's about using your life to touch or poison other people's hearts in such a way that could have never occurred alone.
Only you choose the way those hearts are affected, and those choices are what life's all about.

** talking about geting hurt - again..

yea right..
what do you think is the worst part of loving someone?
getting hurt and being hurt?
definitely..
being hurt.. is when you feel like you lack oxygen in your body..
it is when you feel like all the energy in your body evaporates..
it is when you feel like you want to punch the wall,
and see your fist bleed, trying to absorb the physical pain
to ignore the gush of an emotional breakdown..
it is when you look up in the sky, so that tears won't fall..
it when you crave to have an amnesia so that
you will forget everything, everyone, specially the person
causing you that stupid pain..
it is when you think of jumping off the highest building
and just let the air fly you away from the
chaotic being you've turned yourself into..
it is when you want to eat a gallon or
two of your most favorite flavored ice cream
while watching the most dramatic movie ever..
it is when you want to speak to somebody to
share the emotional pain you're feeling,
but then on second thought, you feel like that you don't want to..
it is when you want to go to your favorite spot just to cry your heart out..
it is when you want to shout so loud but you cannot do so,
because you're just so hurt to do so..
it is when you want to have a heart and brain transplant immediately..
it is when you wanna listen to sentimental songs
just to find out that in the end, you're just dehydrating your body system..
it is when you try to convince your self to forget, move on,
and eventually divert your attention to another guy,
but you just can't, and the worse part is that you don't know why..
it's when you want to die, but it won't just happen because it just won't..
it is when you want to be numb of everything but you just can't be..
why? because, despite all of what you're going through - emotional pain, complexities, immaturities, etc.-, you still love him.. damn....huhhuhu....

The First Time I Loved Forever

Poem: Somewhere I have never traveled; gladly beyond any experience. Your eyes have their silence and your most frail gesture of things which enclose me but which I cannot touch because they are too near.

The first time I loved forever / was when you whispered my name / and I knew at once you loved me / for the me of who I am / the first time I loved forever / I cast all else aside / and I bid my heart to follow / be there no more need to hide
And if wishes and dreams / Are merely for children / and if love's a tale for fools / I'll live the dream with you

Poem: If your words be to close me / I, my life will shut, very beautifully / Suddenly, as when the heart of this flower / Imagines the snow carefully, everywhere / descending.
For all my life and forever / There's a truth I will always know / When my world divides and shatters / your love is where I'll go.

Poem: I do not know what it is about you that closes and opens. Only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses. Nobody, not even the rain has such small hands.